Santa Under Federal Investigation For Running ‘Modern Day Sweat Shop’

I wrote this piece for Aisha Harris, for Megyn Kelly just doesn’t get it, so here it goes… Who is the REAL Santa?

This just in:

Santa is under federal investigation and FBI probe for owing back taxes in arrears since 1839 and running a modern day child sweat shop!

A whistler blower group representing “Santa’s Elves”, who make up over 3000 children hand picked from orphanages in poverty stricken countries with various human rights violations, brought light to this scandal after a class action lawsuit citing child labor and non-payment of overtime reflected Santa’s nefarious avoidance of payroll taxes in their recently submitted affidavit in New York District Federal Court.

Santa Claus Wickty Wack LLC has offices in Weschester County, hence the filings in Manhattan court.

According to court documents, Santa Claus enterprises changes their LLC name every three years to avoid an IRS audit. Other LLC’s include Santa Claus Emporium, Santa Claus Infinity Productions, Santa’s Reindeer Games, Santa’s Krazy Kids and also Mister Fudge Packing Gifts & Supplies.

“These children are rounded up from counties such as Myanmar, Senegal and Cambodia, then trafficked to ‘labor camps’ in Sweden, being told they are producing ‘traditional gifts’ in the North Pole for children around the world” cites the 240 page complaint. Some of the working conditions are being compared to North Korean work camps and Russian prisons.

Dietary restrictions are anything but milk and cookies. “We eat nothing but rotten cantaloupe”, testified 8 year old Mindaho Temple, one of the plaintiffs trafficked from Palau in Micronesia.

American companies are also being cited as outsourced coconspirators. Wal-Mart, Target and Kmart and their subsidiaries are bolstering production by assembling tainted products from China, surpassing Consumer Product Safety Commission standards using day labored work force from Mexico and Canada in their American city stores and factories, typically after store hours.

“To the dismay of Aisha Harris, we have confirmation that Santa is in fact white, but his whiteness is the least of our troubles now.” Stated elf attorney Carol Fienstein-Schlatter. “But to the dismay of Megyn Kelly, this may not be the jovial depiction she would want her niece or nephew to plop in the lap of.”

Megyn Kelly was contacted but had no comment on this developing story.

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