Great James Bond Debate (2/22/07)

Actually, to be quite honest, I think Daniel Craig is a better pick than most. Even if I think his Bond will be more like Terence Stamp as Zod.

The site (www.craignotbond.com) offers up other actors like Henry Cavill (looks like a kid), Rikki Lee Travolta (come on, English sophisticate?), Hugh Jackman (good actor but remember when Halle Berry took on too many super human ricons, Catwoman and Storm in Xmen… only one works), Eric Bana (good actor, but doesn’t really ooze charisma), Colin Farrell (he’ll enjoy the sex scenes too much), Heath Ledger (too low key, doesn’t naturally emit accessibility), Colin Firth (too likeable, he’d have to up the wattage on sex appeal), Ewan McGregor (he’s everywhere), Ioan Gruffudd (my god, the name in itself), Dougray Scott (no, no, no, no, NO), George Clooney (come on, you think he can NATURALLY pull off an English accent and stop his head from bobbling?), Orlando Bloom (he’s a child, might as well pick Matt Damon)… jez… these are the Craig-Haters alternatives?

Now Clive Owen is one of my top picks because he does exude that sort of “I’m gonna take her and she’ll like it” sensibility… (remember when he calls Julia Roberts a whore in Closer? I remember the audience of mainly women applauding with gusto). Now Owen comes across more working class to me than worldly debonair, but I haven’t seen him in enough wardrobe changes to reconcile his worthlessness. He looks like he’d shag well and handle weapons of any size… he’s more along the Sean Connery route. Plus, he’s a throw back to when men had hairy chests and women wanted to be mounted by them… he’s a sexy man… not a vaselined pin-up. He gets my major consideration.

Goran Visnjic was mentioned too. Now I don’t know what to think about him exactly… In ER he played a sexy, complicated mess, but that’s ER for you. He does have that same rugged manliness like Connery and Owen, a charming smile like Connery’s, and I’m sure he’d look dynamite in a tux. I think this guy should have been given a lot more thought for the role. I dig him, but he might be the first Bond people might think of as having emotional problems or a slight crack habit… he does exude an edge.

Now, to be totally honest, the only Bonds I liked were Connery and Moore. Around the time of Dalton and Bronson, I don’t know if it was them or the studios, but the Bond character just didn’t do it for me because he started to lack a lot of his “umphf”. Whether this was due to scripts or casting, the new modern Bond fell short of his predecessors.

Although I loved Bronson as Remington Steele and would have loved to see him take over Bond right after Moore, there is something about the quality of the Bond films he was in, and Dalton, I think eluded me. Too many key elements omitted in both Bond and script.

The modern Bonds seem to reject so much of Bond’s earlier forms. The story lines seem too Heartland American-Cheese associated. The international suave, sophistication and Euro bravado seemed to diminish more and start to mirror more of the American “Die-Hard” genre. Bond lost his libido… of course Moore was always a bit campy with it, but you got the jist that when a woman cooed, “oh James”, they were more than willing to oblige without hesitation (Connery was a bit more rough and tumble… hesitations existed, but cat and mouse was all part of the game). After Moore, however, bond seemed to be minimized in the girth and size of his persona.

There were too many American influences… especially casting.. Bond girls started resembling American TV actresses that belong as damsels on Murder She Wrote… Teri Hatcher, Denise Richards, Cari Lowell… Barbara Carrera and Halle Berry stand out as Bond Hotties… but I really prefer the Bond women to be what the Bond films, to me, represent… exotic, erotic, international, those of discriminating tastes. Women who looked liked their names… Pussy Galore. The current casting they all look like their names could be Kelly Clarkson. If it looks like they cook TV dinners, I don’t want them. And as for Madonna… girl, you exist in your own reality… stay out of Bond’s way. Bond films don’t need sexual cyborgs of her organic resilliance.

Furthermore, James Bond should be British… or Scottish, or Irish… a bloke who can pass as a bloke… not some American actor (George Clooney) doing his best impression. And if an English actor is too well established on the American front, I don’t want him either!

To me, James Bond use to signify every hole in the flawed Hollywood machine and imagine factory. Movie morons will tell you, “in order for a film to sell it has to be accessible”, “in order for a film to sell, it must speak to the Midwest”, “in order for a film to sell, the audience can’t feel threatened”… these are all idiotic arguments of Hollywood minions. When it comes to Bond – he’s not American, he’s all over the world, he sleeps with different women of different backgrounds, shades, colors… he’s the Austin Powers punch line “international man of mystery”. Everything threatening by our current administrations standings and L.A. simplitons. This is why I love Bond… he’s not the married man, the American cop or detective, or the buffoon. He has little allegiance to anyone, even his own British Intelligence. He’ll sleep with the enemy! When he starts reflecting American values I want to throw up. And in no way am I anti-American… I AM AMERICAN… Indiana Jones can speak for me, but Bond is entirely different. I want him to speak for himself.

So alas, Daniel Craig… blonde… ugh… sophisticated… in a swarmy way… clever… perhaps… short… as long as he’s taller than Tom Cruise… could he be the next Bond? Perhaps… well apparently he is. I saw Munich, and sure, he wasn’t playing Bond but an assassin… and sure, he sort of reminded me of Terence Stamp as Zod from Superman II strutting around in tight pants or an extra from that Al Pacino flick Cruisn’… and his pursed lips-look was verging on the heels of Stamp in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert… but I’ll give him a shot anyway.

Many complain that Owens, Jackman, and Bronson wanted more of the financial pie. Well hopefully, if the object is saving money on star talent, the money is being invested in more clever scripts, detailed settings and exotic locales, and more international bad guys and femme fatales to throw Doctor James Dobson over a gay cruise ship in the Caribbean. Cause the current Bonds contain too much aspertaine and sacrin… time to pour on the honey.

What the Craig-Haters should really be worried about is if Bond ends up fighting Bin Laden, saving American party blondes in Aruba, and becoming a judge on American Idol… cause with this current political climate, everyone seems to be catering to the all those things that just go in circles with no legitimate results.

Might as well cast Simon as Bond, Abdul as the Bond Chic, and Randy as our evil, clever madman. Or me!

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